Things Are Better If I Stay
by FrankIero
Summary: Being in love with Frank Iero isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially when he's in love with someone else. But something changed when I hit the lowest point of my life.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey Frank." Jackie plopped down across from me, not one trace of her typical cheerful expression detectable.

"What's wrong? Why'd you have to come over so fast?" My brow furrowed out of concern.

"It's my Mom…" Her lip quivered, tears filling her eyes. They shone in the dim light.

"What about her?" I didn't know what to expect.

"She has cancer." Then she lost it. The tears poured over her lids. Her sobs rang throughout the basement. My jaw dropped.

"I'm so sorry." Tears of my own were starting to form.

She meant everything to me and I couldn't stand seeing her so upset. I pulled her into my lap, holding her as close to me as I could. Her slender arms wrapped around my waist as she rested her face in my chest, her cries causing her back to rise and then fall again. I rubbed her soft hair until the weeping subsided and she fell asleep in my grasp.

~Four Years Later~

"Wake up, sleepy head." Frank's voice rang in my ears as his fingers ran along my sides.

"Stop tickling me, jerk!" I laughed and kicked him lightly away.

"Then get up. You have to go to school." He smiled at me.

"I guess… Or maybe I'll just stay home. I mean I am eighteen now. I can sign my own notes." The purpose was more to remind myself than him that I was eighteen.

The big one-eight. It'd been a week since my birthday but I still couldn't believe it. I was a lot happier since moving in with Frankie. My Dad didn't like it at all but I couldn't take his abuse anymore.

"Yeah; I get it Jack-Jack. You're old. You don't have to repeat yourself." He rolled his eyes, but not in a condescending way.

"Hey ass hole you're older than me by six months so I'd shut up if I were you!" My tongue poked through my lips as I made a mocking face at him.

"Yes but I still look like a baby." He smiled widely with his eyes shut, showing off his perfect rows of pearly whites. I tugged on his thin black lip ring.

It was true, though. He has a cute little face, despite all of his tattoos. He bore two sleeves, a scorpion on his upper neck, "Keep The Faith" over a jack o' lantern on his upper back/neck, "N.J." on the inside of his lip, an anchor on his upper arm with "N.J." on either side of it, both for New Jersey, "Halloween" on his fingers for his birthday, "Search and Destroy" with two crossed guns in the middle on his lower back area, a large chest piece, "bookworm" on his fingers under "Halloween", shin pieces, and many more that I'd forgotten about.

"Yeah you're lucky that way." I sighed.

"You still look young and pretty." He gave me a cheeky smile, but the truth glowed in his eyes.

"You're too nice." I felt myself blush a little. I hated when I did, especially when I could tell it was happening because then it just made my impression of a tomato even more apparent.

"Naw." He said. "Now go get ready, you don't want to be late."

"Alright." I sighed, disgruntled but I obeyed his request.

It was mid-April and that meant only one and a half months of school left. Frank dressed in a green long sleeve under a black t-shirt. His t-shirt had two parallel white stripes on either side of his sleeves. His pants were just regular dark jeans, and he was wearing black canvas vans. He also had a thin black nose ring in the right side of his nose.

"You ready?" Frank tilted his head like a puppy, which deemed fit since he was equally as if not more adorable than one.

"Yeah let's book it. We only have ten minutes to get there." I grabbed my shoulder bag as we headed out the door. He had a plain black back pack covered with buttons of his favorite bands. A good portion of them were Green Day.

We walked our normal route, picking up the pace every time we checked the time. We got there about two minutes short of the bell. As soon as we walked in the door Frank's girlfriend came trotting over. Frank and I were in the reject group of our school; people referred to us as the "_emos_".

"Hey Jamia." They had a quick kiss before settling to lacing their fingers together.

Jamia wasn't in our group. She was a regular. Apparently Frank had grown to like her over the years and she wasn't one to complain over that. She was pretty normal looking; short black hair, yellow-ish teeth, and a pointy nose. Jamia was taller than him.

I actually didn't mind her most of the time. There would be those moments, though, when I would admit to myself that I'd been in love with Frank since day one. But that wasn't very often. I liked to reassure everyone including my own mind that we were best friends and only best friends.

At the rate that Jamia and Frank were going, I wouldn't be surprised if best friends were all we'd ever be. They'd been dating for two and a half years.

My boyfriend was a year older than us. His name was Mikey. He was a little bit awkward but he was still dorky and adorable. I was starting to really like him. We'd only been dating for a few months but at our school that was considered a lot. Most of the girls in the room had lost their virginities at fifteen if not younger. Mikey and I had only gotten so far as to holding hands. He was quite shy.

The bell rang, ensuing us to an entire day in our prison-like school. I hated each of my classes. The only attention I ever got was negative so I just listened to my iPod and did my work. My teachers thought I was some terrible person. No one talked to me. Ever since my Mom died, I started wearing black. I started painting my nails black, and I wore black eyeliner and mascara for the first time. I got a nose stud and a Marilyn piercing, a hip bar, and a few tattoos.

While all of those things are pretty drastic; you know what the most drastic thing was? I started to cut. Somebody from my gym class saw my wrist in the changing room and decided it was a good idea to tell the counselor. I now have sessions with him every day instead of having a sixth period. As long as I was good in counseling, though, they counted it as a "class" and gave me credit for it.

So I stopped cutting my wrist. What almost nobody knew, though, was that under my tank-tops that I wore in gym were the cuts on my hips. That under the boxers I wore were the cuts on my legs. Frank knew about my wrist. He didn't know about the rest of my body. I knew we were best friends, but how could I tell him? It hurt him so much when he found out about my wrist. I couldn't ever hurt him again, no matter how much it hurt me when I saw him and Jamia together. Besides it wasn't his fault he loved her.

Mikey knew about everything. He was the kind of person you could tell anything to, and he wouldn't show that it hurt him. He told me he didn't like it but that he accepted it as a part of me. He drew butterflies on my hips to get me to stop. He said no matter how much I wanted to cut, as long as those butterflies were there, I couldn't. Because if I cut it would kill them.

He knew exactly how many butterflies I killed, but he still remained hopeful that this would work.

Frank, Jamia, and I were all hanging out in Frank's apartment after school, just as we did every day. Mikey was running late but that was just because he worked all day and showered before coming over.

We watched the first part of some horror movie that Frank and I'd seen more than enough times. Jamia had seen it before, too, yet she somehow got "super frightened" every time it came on.

"Frankie, I'm scared." She whined and scooted closer to him, holding onto his arm and resting her head on his shoulder.

I winced at her using my childhood nickname for him. I had to admit that it wasn't too original, but I still considered it my creation. I called him Boo sometimes since he was born on Halloween and I thought it fit. I sat there chipping the black off of my nails, bored as heck until Mikey walked in with some snacks and drinks.

"Hey guys." He had a cute and very smooth voice. He was past that awkward voice-cracking stage in his teenage years.

I stood up and wrapped him into a hug, my arms around his neck and his around my waist.

"Hey babe." My voice was muffled by his shoulder.

"How was your day at school?" He asked me.

"Good." I lied. "How was your day at work?"

"Good." He did the same. We both liked to pretend that we actually enjoyed our daily activities, even though we were fully aware of each other's hate for them.

I glanced over at Frank and realized that he and Jamia decided it was a good time to swap tongues. I rolled my eyes and grabbed Mikey's hand, leading him into my room. I had a small-ish bed, a dresser, make-up, a closet, some incents and assorted candles, a rug, and a single light bulb on the ceiling. That was about it.

Mikey sat down on my bed and leaned against the wall, patting his lap as an invitation for me to sit there. I did so and wrapped my arms around his chest while resting my face in the crook of his neck.

"Bad day." I whispered.

"What happened?" He began to rub my back comfortingly.

"He made me talk about my Mom again."

Mikey knew exactly who "_he_" was. "I want to get you out of that stupid counseling. It's only making things worse." There was anger in his voice, which was rare for him.

"I know…" He pushed me slightly away, pulling up my shirt until it uncovered the cuts.

"They're fresh." He stated, disappointment flashing throughout his face only for a second. He then regained his emotionless composure.

"I know…" I repeated myself, looking down with him. I saw the Sharpied-on butterfly that I had to cut through. I always left a small area clean so he could draw a butterfly in it, but I'd recently run out of room.

He set my shirt back down. "Jackie…"

"I know what you're gonna say." I interrupted him, groaning.

"Then why don't you ever listen?" He frowned, a familiar look spreading across his features.

"It's hard. I try, I really do. But it's addicting. It makes me feel better so I don't see what's wrong with it." I rested my head on his shoulder again.

"There are other things you can do to make you feel better." He reminded me.

"Yeah, I know…" I got this lecture often.

Mikey reached in his pocket and pulled out the permanent marker, lifting my shirt again and drawing one right above all of my scars. It was bigger than it normally was.

"Please." The look in his eyes was different this time; more intense. I realized that I had to do this for him.

"How long?" I asked.

"A month."

I took a deep breath. "Okay." I breathed out.

"You promise?"

"Pinkie promise." I locked pinkies with him.

He pulled on the back of my leg so I was sitting on his lap while facing him. His arms wrapped around my waist, and he stared deep into my eyes. My heartbeat sped up and I felt intimidated under his gaze. He had hazel-green eyes, with a large portion of brown in the right one. His blonde hair was pushed back. He had a very strong jaw line, and a slightly pointed nose. He was handsome.

"Mikey?" I asked breathlessly.

"Mhmm?" He asked from his throat, his lips un-parted.

"I really like you."

"I really like you, too." His gaze slowly lowered to my lips, and then back up into my eyes as if to warn me.

He leaned in gradually. I separated my lips slightly a mere second before his met mine. My entire body relaxed, apart from my stomach. I set one hand on the side of his neck and pushed the other into his hair, moving in to make the kiss more passionate.

After a couple minutes of gentle kissing, things began getting heated up. He slid his hands into the back pockets of my jean shorts, pulling me as close to his body as he could. His tongue pushed its way through my lips, roaming the inside of my mouth. I pulled away and breathed for a second, then went back for more.

It felt really good. This was actually only my second time being kissed. The first was my father. The only difference was that this felt right, while that didn't at all…

"Mikey…" I gasped as his hands roamed up my shirt and under my bra.

I'm sorry." His eyes widened and he quickly pulled his hands out of my shirt.

"Don't be." I kissed him again, taking his hands and leading them back to where they were.

He caressed my skin as we tasted each other's mouths. I reached my hands between us and undid his pants, sliding them down a little as I pulled my lips away from his.

"Mikey, I wanna…" I looked down to the most noticeable part in his boxers and then back up at him.

He gave me a quick nod and then closed his eyes. I tugged on his underwear, revealing an impressive member. A blush crept into his cheeks. I could tell he was nervous. So was I. I stroked it with my hand, following up with my mouth. He tasted sweet.

I paid special attention to the head because it seemed to get the most reaction out of him. My tongue rolled against it, causing a quick moan to escape his lips. He held the hair out of my face for me. I sped up, careful not to let my teeth hurt him. He started to tense up.

"Jackie, I'm cumming…" He warned me.

I kept going until he came in my mouth. I swallowed it. It wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be. I grabbed a piece of gum from my pocket and stuck it in my mouth.

He set his hands on either side of my face and kissed me lightly. "Thank you." He whispered. I could tell he really meant it.

I smiled at him as I kissed the skin behind his ear. "It'll happen again." I whispered back.

He pulled his pants and underwear back up and redid his pants. And just in time, too because Frank walked in as soon as I sat back down next to Mikey.

"Hey guys. Jamia's gone. Sorry you felt like you had to leave." He laughed awkwardly.

His pants were unzipped and his hair was a mess. I could tell he'd gotten equally if not more attention than Mikey had. It was hard to accept the fact that I'd never be with Frank. But Mikey was really amazing.

"What do you wanna do?" I asked them.

"Well it's seven so I made dinner." He smiled.

"Okay we'll be right out." Mikey waited for him to leave before he turned to me and held me close. "You're perfect." He whispered in my ear.

_** Perfect. **_It was a lot to live up to.


	2. Chapter 2

It'd been three weeks since I cut. I was staying strong for Mikey. The newer cuts were all healed up but there were too many scars that would never fade, so I still couldn't wear short sleeves or a bikini. Mikey'd left a while ago; he was called into work to replace someone who had to take leave. I was in the dimly lit bathroom drawing butterflies and wondering how the fuck they were supposed to make me feel better when I heard the front door open. I stayed quiet, wondering who it was.

Frank's breathing was smothered by Jamia's moans as they crashed against the wall, their lips hungrily devouring each other's. I jumped at the sudden sound.

"I love you so much." Jamia said breathlessly.

"I love you too, babe." Frank told her. I couldn't believe it. He told me that he didn't think love was real last year. He'd never said he loved her in front of me. Was he really hiding it all this time?

They soon took it to his room, so I snuck out of the apartment and got into my car. I waited there until I saw Jamia leave. The sun had long ago set so she didn't notice me sitting alone in the driveway.

"Where've you been?" Frank asked when I stepped in the door.

He was sitting on the couch in basketball shorts and a black t-shirt. The TV was on with the volume turned low.

"Getting groceries." I smiled.

"But you don't have any." He separated his lips and raised his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly.

"Yeah I know." I then walked down the hall and into my room.

Sleep didn't come easily. In fact; it didn't come at all. So when my phone vibrated I rolled over and grabbed it off of the floor. It was Mikey.

"_Hey baby. You still awake?"_

I smiled a little. He didn't call me baby very often.

"_Yeah, sadly. Are you? ;p"_

_ "No."_

_ "Oh that's good."_

_ "Haha okay but seriously are you okay? My karma's all out of whack and I have a feeling it's because you're sad."_

_ "You're crazy."_

He could always tell when something was wrong, even if he wasn't here.

"_Do you want me to come over?"_

"_Yeah._"

"_On my way._"

It took him fifteen minutes until he quietly opened my door and came into my room. I was glad he had a key.

"What happened?" He asked, pulling me in for a tight hug.

"I just hate how Frank keeps things from me." I said into his neck. He smelled delicious.

Mikey pulled back slightly, reading my face and setting one hand on my cheek and the other on my hip.

"What's he keeping from you?" He asked.

"Well it doesn't really matter, I guess, but last year he told me he didn't believe in love and I've never heard him say he loved her until today when he didn't know I was listening."

"I'm sorry. Maybe he just didn't want to hurt you." He suggested.

"What do you mean?" I stepped back. The only light in the room was from the moon shining through the shades on my windows.

"Well maybe he notices." Mikey's eyes lowered to the floor.

"Notices what?" I asked, pushing my eyebrows together and scrunching my nose.

"That you love him." His eyes met mine as soon as he said it. My heart stopped in my chest and I felt the overwhelming sense that I was gonna pass out.

"What?" I said it louder than I should have, hoping that I seemed a lot more stable than I really was at this time.

Mikey just gave me a sad half smile. "I already know."

"How? What? You know I love you!" My jaw dropped as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Yeah. But you love him more." A look that could be considered a frown spread across his face.

Tears fell from my eyes as I sat down on the floor. I couldn't even deal with the emotions I was feeling right then. I felt horrible.

He sat down with me, wrapping me in a warm embrace and rubbing my shoulders, letting me wet his shirt with tears. I couldn't stand how much I was hurting him on the inside, and I knew it was a lot. He was strong but I'd learned how to detect when he was upset. And boy was he now.

"I fall more in love with you every day." I looked up at him, wanting him to know.

"Yeah. But same with him." He pulled me into his lap, his arms around my waist and his face expressionless.

Realizing how right he was might have been the worst part about it. Even though he was the one being hurt, he sat there comforting me while I cried all night. Even though he was the one dying inside, he laid next to me and held me close. Even though I was the thing hurting him, he kissed me goodnight and told me how much he loved me.

I wanted to die.


	3. Chapter 3

Things had been getting a little better with Mikey. I'd been spending less time with Frank and more time with him. I was just returning to Frank and I's apartment at around 3 a.m. It was finally summer, and life was going pretty good. I hadn't cut in around three months.

Mikey pulled into the driveway, stopping the car and leaning back against his seat for a minute.

"I'll miss you." He said, taking my hand and looking over at me.

I smiled. "I'll miss you, too."

He reached across me to open my door, then got out of his side.

I thanked him as he slid his arm around my waist.

We stood at the door quietly, waiting for one another to break the silence. Instead he gave me a hug and afterward kissed me softly.

"Goodnight beautiful." He smiled shyly.

"Goodnight handsome." I kissed him once more and then walked in the door.

"Hey Jackie." Frank and Jamia greeted me in unison.

"Hey Frank, Jamia." I nodded. They had a mischievous grin on their faces.

"What...?" I narrowed my eyes and turned my head, my suspicion glowing through my expression.

Then came the worst moment of my life. Jamia lifted her left hand, the diamond ring shining, a smile on both of their faces. All I could do was stare. There was a lump in my throat that I tried to swallow, and tears were threatening to pour from my eyes.

"Congratulations." I quickly left the room and went into my own.

My heart ached and the tears kept coming, I felt so sick I couldn't stand it anymore. I found the razor that had been left untouched for what felt like years, and slid it across my wrist. Once. Twice. Three times. I didn't stop. The blood was rolling down my arm and dripping onto the hardwood floor. Soon my whole left forearm was covered in fresh wounds. I cried harder, watching my feelings pour onto the ground. I was so mad. I hated myself for not telling him how I felt before it was too late. I hated myself for letting this pain conquer me. I hated myself for losing the battle. I hated myself for what this would do to Mikey.

I hated myself so much that this wasn't enough. I pulled my shirt off, carelessly smothering it in blood. I was getting dizzy but I didn't care. I cut my hip over and over, watching the beautiful red liquid surface. I moved on to my right hip, doing the same. It hurt worse than on my arm, but I still didn't care. My hands, stomach, and wrist were all covered in blood. I dropped the razor and let myself fall to the floor, my sobs the only sound I could hear besides the heartbeat drumming in my ears. I was getting tired. Really tired. I drifted away quicker than I thought possible, falling into a dreamland.

I was worried about Jackie. She had reacted kind of weird when Jamia and I broke the news that we were engaged. I knocked at her door to make sure she wasn't upset. "Jackie? Are you okay?" I called. There was no answer. I tried again. "Jackie?" Again there was silence, so I opened her door. My heart dropped at what I found.

"Jackie!" I yelled, running into the room and dropping to the ground next to her. There was a puddle of blood and a razor. Her hips were covered as were her arms and hands. She wasn't awake. Hot tears made their way down my cheeks. I held her limp hand, the blood on her palm transferring to mine. I cried harder than I ever had before. "Jamia!" I screamed, clutching Jackie's body and holding her against me.

Jamia appeared around the corner. Her face went dead white, her expression mirroring my own shock. "What-?"

I cut her off. "Get the phone! Now!" I cried more and more, her lifeless body drooping in my arms.

She returned a few seconds later with the phone, handing it to me. I dialed 911. "911 what's your emergency?"

"My friend- she's passed out! There's blood everywhere! Please help!" I spoke frantically into the receiver.

"Sir, please calm down. Now where are you?"

I gave her my address and she said an ambulance was on its way.

"Why?" Jamia asked.

"I don't know." I shook my head, sobbing with Jackie's upper body held tightly into my chest.


	4. Chapter 4

I heard the beeping of a machine, and all of my memories slowly came back to me. I opened my eyes, realizing that I was in a hospital bed. I looked down at my wrist and saw bandages wrapped all around it. I could feel the bandages around my hips.

"Jackie?" Frank hoarsely spoke up.

I glanced over at him. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. He was in a plain black t-shirt and some grey jeans. His dark hair was a mess. He licked his lips and shuffled, clearing his throat. I noticed he was using both of his hands to hold just one of mine. They felt warm compared to my cold skin.

"Why'd you do it?" I could see the gleam of tears in his eyes.

I felt like I couldn't speak, so I just looked down at my lap. I felt so guilty.

"Why?" He moved our hands to his chest, making a choking sound in his throat before he began crying. His shoulders quivered, and he shook his head. "Why would you do this?" His voice was raw and I could tell he'd spend a lot of the past while crying.

I felt tears slide down my cheeks, too. I tried to hold them in but I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry." My voice was faint, probably from overload of sleep.

He quickly met my eyes as if it were shocking that I spoke. He used his thumb to caress my hand.

"Where's Mikey?"

"At work." The drops were still falling from his eyes.

"Why aren't you?"

"I took time off." His words caught me by surprise.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I needed to be here." He skimmed the room anxiously.

"Why?" I repeated my question.

"Because you're my best friend."

His answer hit me harder than it should have. Somewhere deep down I was hoping he was going to say it was because he loved me. But obviously this wasn't a fairytale. If it was one then it'd be fucked up anyway.

"Oh..." I swallowed.

"Why'd you do it? I thought you quit." He pulled our hands up to his neck, now, rubbing my hand against his skin.

"Because I needed to." I didn't want to tell him the whole truth.

"Why?" He prodded deeper.

I sighed, figuring there was no way out of it. "Frank, it's just that... I mean I kind of-"

The doctor came in. "Your heart monitor told us that you were awake. It was going abnormally fast, though. Is everything okay?"

I blushed, knowing exactly why it was sped up.

"I think you have a fever." The doctor stuck a thermometer in my mouth. After it beeped he grunted. "Yep. Sir, shouldn't you be heading home now?"

Frank looked surprised. "Are you talking to me?"

"Yes. You've been here constantly for the past few days. Don't you want to go home?"

Frank shook his head defiantly. "I'm staying right here with her."

"Well alright but she needs to rest so don't keep her up too long."

I was going to tell him how ridiculous that was, considering how I'd been asleep for a long time, but then I noticed how tired I was.

The doctor poured some more shit into my IV, and left the room.

Frank yawned widely, then sighed.

"Frankie you're so tired. When's the last time you slept?" I frowned.

"Well I fell asleep sitting up last night for like four hours but then I woke up and waited for you to." He spoke as if it didn't matter. I scooted over on my bed, patting the space to the left of me. He didn't complain.

I felt his body heat as his weight shifted the bed. He set his left arm around my back, using the other to hold me against him. He nuzzled my neck and was soon breathing softly. I smiled, running my fingers through his soft hair and thinking about how badly I wished this could be a regular thing. I slipped into a wonderful sleep; the best I'd gotten in a long while.


	5. Chapter 5

Mikey hated work. All he wanted was to be at the hospital with Jackie. He was worried about what would happen if Frank was the only one there when she woke up. He hated himself for not being as perfect as Frank. If he was honest, he was completely jealous of the way Jackie looked at him. She never looked at Mikey that way. But he wasted the day away nonetheless; selling books that he didn't give two shits about at this kind of time.

"Mikey!" His coworker called his name. He glanced over, heading her way.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Um I was just wondering if you remember where this book went? The scanner's not working so yeah I have no idea where it goes." He didn't notice, but she stared at him with slight adoration in her eyes.

"Yeah it goes over here." He led her over to a large section of the book store, stretching up to the top row to set the book on it. He was very tall.

She secretly stared at his exposed stomach as he did this. It was flat, and he had an attractive happy trail which disappeared down his pants.

She thanked him, and he turned to go. "Are you alright?" She asked. All _she_ wanted was to be able to hold up a conversation with him for once.

He pondered lying to her and acting like he was fine like he usually did, then decided against it. "You know what? No. I'm not." He sat down on the ground and leaned against the book shelve.

His response was unexpected to her, considering he usually said he was fine even when she could tell he was not. "Well what's wrong?"

He looked at her. She felt as if he was staring into her, reading every part of her soul as if it were in plain sight. It was intimidating. His eyes skimmed over her light brown skin, her black curls, and her dark brown eyes. She had perfect bright white teeth.

"Everything." He moved so his palms were holding his head up, his elbows against his folded knees.

"What happened?" She awkwardly set a hand on his back, unsure of how to comfort him although she felt so much pity.

"It's Jackie. I love her- I really do. But I feel like I have to let her go. She attempted suicide a few nights ago after finding out that her best friend, Frank, was engaged. I always knew she loved him more than me but I never realized it was this bad." He shook his head. "I'm so fucking stupid. I wish I was as good as him, you know? I wish I was good enough for her. But I know I don't deserve her anyway. I never have and I never will."

She didn't know for sure how to respond, so she just went with what she wanted to say. "She might not see how great you are, but I do. I always have." She stood and began walking away from him, leaving him sitting on the ground.

"Staci?" He raised his head, curious as to what she had meant.

All she did was smile and nod once, then continue on her way.

He bit his lip, thinking of her in a way that he hadn't before. Was she really interested in him? How, after all this time, did he not notice? She was very pretty. She acted cute, too. It was then that Mikey decided _yes_, he would date her.

It was finally the end of his shift, so he made his way to the hospital. The nurse let him up and he sprinted up the stairs rather than taking the time to use the elevator.

Once he got to her room he glanced inside through the clear glass window set in the middle of her door. She was still asleep. The only difference was this time Frank was lying next to her, cuddling into her body. Anger flowed through Mikey's veins. He grimaced as he opened the door and sat down on the sofa poised in the corner of the room. He soon fell into a light sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up from a nightmare to find Frank's face against my neck. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, wondering why I had to love him so much. It sucked. I _had _Mikey. I _really liked_ Mikey. Why couldn't I be happy with what I had?

I sat up, and noticed Mikey leaning back on the sofa sleeping. Poor baby. Slowly and quietly sliding the needle out of my wrist, I snuck over to the couch and sat on his lap, knowing that he wouldn't wake up; He was a fairly deep sleeper. I played with his hair as well. It wasn't as soft as Frank's, but it was longer. Finally I drifted into a nightmare-less sleep.

* * *

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Mikey was awakened by the sunlight pouring in through the cheap white curtains. A few moments went by before he realized that Jackie was sleeping on him. The thought of her actually moving away from Frank to sleep with him when she never got the chance to sleep next to Frank, but could sleep with Mikey any time she wanted made him smile. He laid her down on the couch and headed out for the day.

Mikey had been secretly texting Staci; she was actually hilarious. They already had a billion inside jokes piled up and on top of that they had a date that night. His conscience told him it was wrong; but he also kept in mind how Jackie still loved Frank. He had to have a backup plan, right?

As the date was finishing up, the thought that Staci might now just be a plan B entered his mind. He shrugged it off, though, as men do, and dropped her off at home. It was late.

"Okay so I'm not really experienced with this whole dating thing; so I'm just gonna be blunt. Do you wanna spend the night?" Staci blushed so hard that Mikey could see it even in the small amount of light they were provided with.

"I'd love to." He smiled politely at her, setting his hand on hers before getting out of the car.

They got to drinking and as the night went on, they both became wasted.

"I don't drink much." Staci giggled, tipping her glass so that just a little spilled onto her table.

"Then why do you have all of this alcohol?" Mikey wasn't nearly as intoxicated as Staci was. Over time he developed somewhat of a tolerance for it.

"Gifts from friends. They think I need to get out more." She rolled her eyes then laughed again, leaning toward him with one hand in her lap. "Can you believe it? My own friends think I need to get out more. I'm such a loser."

"That's not true." Mikey's eyes shone as they bore into Staci's deep brown orbs.

She cleared her throat. "Well obviously I did... I mean I've had a crush on you for how long now? And I hadn't told you until tonight. I'm the definition of antisocial."

"Hey now don't get down on yourself. You have a lot to live for. You're beautiful, for one."

Staci looked up at him the way a puppy looks at its owner when it's begging. "Really? I am?"

Mikey leaned over slowly, pulling her face toward his and connecting their lips. He pulled away about half a centimeter just so he could speak. She felt his hot breath on her mouth as he whispered. "Would I have done that if I didn't think so?"

She immediately shoved herself against him, their lips colliding in an explosion of passion and liquor.

"Where's the bedroom?" He asked, picking her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Upstairs."

They burst into the room, ripping each other's clothes off and roughly falling on to the bed. He kissed her jaw, her neck, and then her collar bone. He proceeded to move down further.

Mikey hurriedly slid on a condom before he entered her body, their moans eliminating the silence in the room.

* * *

><p><p>

I had spent all day texting and calling Mikey, to no avail. I had no clue where he was and that fact worried me senseless.

Frank was following me as I paced around the room, trying to calm me down and tell me that everything would be alright.

I didn't believe him.

* * *

><p><p>

Mikey M.I.A. Wasn't a one time thing. He spontaneously disappeared all the time, and lately it was becoming more of a regular thing. Whenever he finally came home all he would say was he was "working late."

One night a few months after I was out of the hospital, he was gone again. I decided to check up on how his "work" was going. Once I arrived his boss informed me that he was last seen with his co worker, Staci. I asked for her address and he gave it to me, so I went to her house. His car was in the parking lot. I crept up to the front door, turning the knob and pushing it open. I couldn't believe she had left it unlocked.

I heard creaking upstairs and so I walked quietly all the way to the source. They were moaning. I burst the door open, Staci's scream ringing in my ears.

"Mikey... how could you? I hate you!" I cried, running down the stairs and out of the house into my car. He was following me and unfortunately, he was a fast runner. He held my car door open trying to reason with me in his boxers, which I figured he'd slid on before chasing me.

"I'm sorry Jack-" He started.

"I fucking hate you. How could you? You were the only person I told everything to!" I sobbed, clutching at the steering wheel. "And don't even give me that shit! You're only sorry that I caught you!"

"Please don't-" Tears were forming in his eyes.

"Get the fuck away from my car, or I will drive off and take your arm with me." The menace in my words made it clear that I wasn't kidding. He stood his ground and so I started the engine, pulling out just in time for him to let go of the door. I slammed it and drove off, the screeching of my tires echoing off the streets.

"What's wrong?" Frank asked as soon as I got in the door. I fell to my knees, bawling my eyes out.

"Mikey...He...Cheated...On...Me..." I said between shallow breaths. Frank sat next to me and held me, stroking my arm.

"I'm gonna kick his fucking ass." Frank growled.

Mikey then came running into the room, this time in full dress.

"Jackie I'm sor-."

"Shut the fuck up!" Frank yelled louder than I've ever heard him yell before.

"What?" Mikey looked at him like he was a two-legged giraffe.

"Look what you did to her! You made her cry!" Frank was in Mikey's face, and despite being shorter, seemed to have the dominate ground.

"Oh like you haven't before." Mikey hissed back.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Frank shoved him slightly. Mikey came back and punched him in the nose. Frank punched Mikey hard in the stomach and on the jaw.

"Stop!" I cried, but no one was listening.

"You make her sad all the time. She tried to kill herself because of you. That doesn't ring a bell?" Mikey was merciless with his words.

"That... That wasn't because of me." Frank said quietly, his eyes going wide.

"Yes it was. Even ask Jackie. You're marrying Jamia and Jackie can't take that. I can't believe you're a big enough idiot not to realize that all this time. Even I have and I'm her boyfriend."

"You _were_ my boyfriend." I reminded him.

Frank and Mikey both looked at me in shock for different reasons.

"Is it true?" Frank spoke first, seeking the honesty that I wasn't prepared to give him.

"No." I dropped my eyes, messing with my fingers.

"It really is." Frank gave a defeated laugh. "I did it to you." The blood was dripping from his nose and I had the urge to help fix him up, but I knew now was not the right time.

"No, it's not your fault." I looked back into his eyes.

"Then who's is it, Jackie?" He raised his voice, taking my wrist and turning my forearm upwards to show off the jagged scars across my skin. "Who did this to you?"

"Mine."

"No. It was mine." He sat down, shaking as his face went into his palms.

"Are you really breaking up with me?" Mikey reminded Frank and I he was still there with what seemed to be the most ridiculous question he could have asked at that time.

"Are you shitting me right now?" I asked. "Of course I am. You're fucking crazy if you think that I'd be with you after you cheated on me. _We_ haven't even had sex, and you just did it with some random stranger?

"She isn't just some random stranger!" He flushed as he realized how defensive he was getting.

"Why would you think that we'd still be together after this?" I asked, really wanting to know the answer.

"Because I love you." He stated.

"Please tell me you did not just say that, or so help me God!" I rose to my feet, my hands on my hips and a horrible look on my face.

"Or so help you God what? Can you blame me?" He yelled back, grabbing my upper arms and shaking me slightly. "Do you know how much it hurts? I hurt every day because I have to live knowing that you would drop me for Frank any second. It hurts knowing that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try with you, you'll always love him more. You know for a second, just for a second, I really believed that I could win you over. But then you attempted suicide over him being engaged. _Engaged,_ for Christ's sake!" He was crying now, too.

"Don't you dare try to turn this around on me! I never did anything wrong to you! I was honest, and I'm sorry that I can't get over Frank! Trust me; I wish I could."

"Wait... So he's telling the truth? You really do love me?" Frank asked from behind me, where he was sitting on the floor.

I bit my lip and sighed, figuring there was no way out of this one. "Yes..."

His eyes widened again, and he didn't speak.

"You could get over him. You just never tried." Mikey's eyes were bloodshot and his teeth were clenched as he spoke.

"I did try. I was with you for months. I tried so hard to get over him, I just couldn't. I like you; I really do." I frowned.

Frank silently rose to his feet, heading upstairs.

"I'm sorry about everything, so sorry." Mikey cried, clutching at my shoulders and pulling me in for a hug.

"I am, too. But this just isn't gonna work." It was a hard decision, but how could I really stay with him after he cheated on me?

"Please don't do this." Mikey took my hand desperately, but I just pulled it away.

"I have to. I'm sorry."

He looked helpless as the drops fell from his cheeks. "Please. Give me one more chance."

"No...I'm sorry but I just can't." I felt guilty realizing that if it was Frank instead of him, I would've forgiven him in a heartbeat.

"I'll do anything." He breathed heavily.

"You have her now."

He got up, still silently weeping, and left the apartment.

I ran upstairs to check on what Frank was up to. The second I opened the door I felt like my heart stopped.

"Frank, what are you doing?" I screamed, grabbing his back and pulling him away from the suitcase on his bed that was piling up with clothes.

He shoved on, grabbing more clothes from his drawer and slamming them into the bag.

"I'm leaving." His words were cold.

"Why? I'm sorry, I'll get over you! I'm so sorry." I fell to my knees, clutching at his leg. "Don't go, I need you! You're my best friend! I don't have anyone else!" Tears of my own fell and fell, streaming down my cheeks and onto the floor.

"No, Jackie, we _were_ best friends! And then you had to ruin it! Why can't we just be friends, why do you have to ruin everything by having feelings for me? Why did you do this? I can't stay now, Jamia would never be okay with this!" He yelled at me for the first time.

"Why does everything have to be about Jamia?"

"Because I love her!" With that he zipped up the suit case and the bag, and left the room. I followed him down the stairs, begging him to stay. He didn't.


	7. Chapter 7

I spent the next few months lifeless. I would be like a robot during the day, and come home crying and fall asleep that way night after night. The day I graduated was the worst of all, though. Frank had promised. He had promised me that we would walk down to get our diplomas together. He promised that we would look stupid in those red robes together. He promised that we'd mention each other in our speeches, and that we'd sit back down together. He let those promises turn into lies.

I can't even explain the suffering I went through. I felt like crying almost all the time. I started cutting again; which was the only thing that helped me feel better. I felt as if everything was in black and white, because Frank was the only thing that really brought color into my life.

I eventually got around to getting a job at the local Starbucks because I couldn't afford college just yet. Since I was the new girl there, my boss told a man that he had to help me figure things out. 

"Hi, I'm Gerard." He smiled with his cute little baby teeth, reaching out to shake my hand.

"I'm Jackie." I smiled back and took his hand.

He had a pinched nose, and adorable puffy cheeks. He had thick eyelashes and his hair was pushed back and dyed black. He had pretty thick eyebrows, flawless lips, and a perfect face shape. He was definitely handsome. He was pale and the tiniest bit thin, but he still had some meat on him.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Jackie." The way he said it made my stomach flutter. He was definitely a flirt.

It took some time and a lot of patience to teach me all of the ropes for how to use things and how to mix the right amount of ingredients. It was finally the last day of training, and I was pretty excited that soon I'd be able to work and do stuff on my own.

"Now just pour this into here like this." He demonstrated with his smoothie, and the liquid slid perfectly into his cup.

I tried to do the same but accidentally tipped the cup with the blender, spilling it all over my shirt. He laughed happily. It was like a repetitive giggle. I laughed at his laugh, and soon we just kept laughing and couldn't stop. Every time we looked at each other we would laugh harder.

"What are you laughing at?" I got out between harsh breaths. My sides hurt.

"You're such a klutz!" He laughed some more.

"Oh so you want some of this?" I asked, tackling him with a hug.

"Stop!" He laughed harder, trying to push me away but I was too busy smothering the smoothie on him, too.

He took his smoothie cup and poured it on top of my head.

"Gerard!" I exclaimed, slapping him on the arm. By the time we finished cleaning everything up it was 7:00 P.M.

"Do you wanna come over?" He asked. "We could watch some movies. You know, after you shower so your hair doesn't smell like smoothie anymore." He grinned.

"Shouldn't I get some clothes first?" I asked.

"Naw, you can borrow mine." He stated as if it was obvious. I loved his voice.

He drove me to his apartment. It was huge, and really nice. It was painted a light brown, and the inside walls were tan. The carpets were cream colored, and all of the furniture was in great shape.

Gerard led me up to his room, which had a king-sized bed sitting in the middle of it, and took a white v-neck and some red plaid boxers out of his dresser, handing them to me along with a towel.

I stepped into the shower, making sure it was cold to save him the hot water. The bathroom was impressively clean, especially considering it was owned by a man.

Once I finished and changed into the clothes, brushing my hair with his comb and running my fingers through it afterward, I walked back into his room.

He turned the TV on and had me wait on his couch until he got out. I looked at some pictures that were laying on the tables. He had one of him and a younger boy. He looked about nine, and the boy looked about five or six. They were both brunette and they were hugging each other and smiling.

"That's my little brother, Michael." I wasn't aware Gerard was back, so the sudden voice caused me to jump.

"Oh God you scared me!" I smiled. "That's cute. Do you see him a lot?"

"Yeah, we hang out when we can. We've drifted apart over the past year, though, sadly." He plopped down next to me, casually setting his arm on the back of the couch and crossing his legs.

"Oh. Well he's missing out."

"Naw." He shook his head and smiled, flattered. "I'm the one missing out. He's a great person."

"But so are you."

His face glowed as he looked over at me. "Really?"

"Of course."

"That means a lot, I get picked on all the time. Not very many people like me."

"Well they're missing out."

He smiled again, this time putting his arm around my waist and pulling me into him. My head was resting on his chest while we watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It was one of Frank's favorite movies, so I had ended up watching it all the time with him, which resulted in me not being scared. It did, however, make me sad and sent my mind on a spur of memories with Frank. It seemed that every time I thought about Frank, my heart broke all over again.

"What's wrong?" Gerard asked softly, lifting my chin up to face him.

"It's nothing important..." I sighed, lowering my eyes once again.

"If it's upsetting you then it has to be important." His voice and eyes said he cared, so I went out on a limb.

"It's this guy, Frank. He was my best friend for years and years. He found out that I was in love with him and left a while ago. I haven't seen him or talked to him since. I miss him every day and it really tears me up, even still." I rolled my eyes and shook my head, smiling and trying not to cry. The tears came anyway. "It's all just so stupid. I'm sorry for dumping this on you, it's just..."

"No." He spoke softly and held me into him, caressing my long hair.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't be sorry for opening up to me. Ever." He smiled that wise smile he always did, and kissed me softly on the forehead.

She looked surprised when I said it. "Why do you look so shocked?" I pondered aloud, moving stray hair away from her eyes.

"It's just every time I open up, I lose people...That's how I lost Frank." She heightened her gaze to meet my eyes. "But it's different with you."

"A lot of things are different with me." I admitted, not sure whether it was a good thing but knowing it was the truth.

"I can tell." She smiled, the beauty glowing off of her face. Her teeth were bright white and perfectly straight. I got lost in thought wondering if she knew how beautiful she was. "Soo..." She said awkwardly.

"Oh, sorry." I cleared my throat, feeling myself blush.

"You have a cute smile." She told me, setting her hand on my cheek. "And cute cheeks. I mean seriously how did you get so adorable?"

I blushed more. "I'm not."

"But you really are. Why are you so down on yourself?"

"I've been told that I'm worthless all of my life. I guess I just got to believing it."

"Well don't." She leaned over and took my face in her hands, pressing her soft lips against mine.

They tasted like strawberries. And boy did I love those. I took her hips and pulls them against mine, getting more into the kiss. I pushed my tongue through her lips, and she massaged it with hers. She was definitely one of the best kissers I'd ever had, if not the best. I took her onto my lap, going down to her neck and sucking on the skin there. It tasted amazing. She let a quiet moan slip, and it made me smile against her skin. I put my hand up her shirt, cupping her perfectly-sized breast. I used my other hand to grope her firm ass.

"Gerard." She spoke timidly, which caused me to stop immediately and look at her to see what was wrong. "I'm sorry, it's just..."

"It's just what? I'm sorry for whatever I did, are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm a virgin, and I don't want to lose it to someone I've just met..."

"Oh." I said, disbelieving that a girl this stunning could really still be a virgin. "No it's okay. I totally respect that. I'm glad you're a virgin, you're pure." I smiled sincerely.

"Thanks for understanding... and you know; this doesn't mean that we can't kiss." Her mischievous smile went straight to my stomach, and I instantly leaned in to kiss her more.

God did she taste good. I could have done it all night.

After a few minutes of kissing, she pulled away.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"A little bit." She admitted.

"Then let's go to bed." I took her hand and led her into my room again, then picking her up and laying her on the bed. I killed the light switch and stripped my clothing (aside from my boxers of course), and then laid down next to her. She moved over and cuddled up to me, looking me deep in the eyes.

"Goodnight, beautiful." I gave her a soft, long peck on the forehead and wrapped my arms around her. She fell asleep with her head on my chest.


	8. Chapter 8

Month by month by month went by, and soon enough Gerard and I were the co-managers of the Starbucks we were working at. I was nineteen, and Gerard was twenty three. I had just finished brushing my teeth when my doorbell rang. I wondered why Gerard was there when I told him I didn't need a ride that day. But when I went downstairs and opened the door, it wasn't Gerard.

"Jackie..." He breathed. He looked scared. It was the same old Frank, with a lot of new tattoos.

I stood frozen, my brain not comprehending anything I needed to say.

"I missed you." He stepped toward me, making my brain come back to life.

"No... No, you can't do this to me. You can't do this! Why? Right when I'm getting over you, right when I'm finally happy enough, right when my life's taking a turn for the better. Why would you do this?" The tears of seeing him again came back. I so didn't miss crying.

Frank came toward me, attempting to take my hand but I snatched it away. I was shaking and sobbing. "But Jackie-" 

"No! Get out, go away! I can't stand being around you this hurts to much just leave!" I screamed the hurtful words at him, but if I were to be honest, I would have broke down saying how much I missed him. I would have begged him never to leave again. But I wasn't going to let it be that easy for him.

"Jackie, I love you." As many times as I had imagined him saying that, especially since he'd left, it still could never amount to the real thing.

"No, you don't, otherwise you wouldn't have left me alone!"

"It's true I really love you. I'm not marrying her. After I left I was depressed, and I couldn't figure out why. It took me all those months but I finally realized that it was because I can't live without you; I don't want to live without you. I'll do anything if you'll take me back." His voice was soothing, but it still didn't calm my raging nerves.

"No, no, no, no. Frank you can't do this! You're so selfish you just expect to be able to come back and walk in here like you're some-"

He cut me off by grabbing me roughly and pushing his smooth lips against mine, moving them quickly and not letting me catch a breath. As hard as it was, I didn't kiss back. Even though every hormone in my body was screaming at me to feel him, I didn't. Instead I shoved him. I hit him. I screamed some more.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" My voice was scratchy now, and considering how much I'd been yelling, that wasn't a surprise. He tried to hold me again, but I just kept hitting him over and over and over. Crashing my arms against his, pushing him away as hard as I could.

"Stop. Jackie, stop." He used his soft voice to calm me down, and I finally looked straight at his face for the first time in over a year. And you know what was sad? It had the exact same effect on me as it had a year and a half ago.

He was crying, too. So much hurt was on the surface of his eyes that my automatic instinct was to hold him and wish that I could take his hurt away. I couldn't stand seeing him upset; I never could.

"Jackie, I love you. More than anything. I'm sorry for everything and I promise I'll never hurt you again." He let go of my arms cautiously, afraid that I might go on a rampage at any given moment.

"Frank, you hurt me so much. Worse my Father hurt me. Worse than anyone ever hurt me. You know why? It's because I expected it from my Father; I knew that he was a drunk, that he beat my Mom, that he sexually abused her, too. I expected it from everyone else; I knew they were mean, I knew I was different, I knew they wouldn't understand. But there was no way that I would _ever _have expected it from you. You were my _best friend._ Best friends aren't supposed to do that, Frank. Best friends aren't ever supposed to do that." I shook my head, crying still. I had so many different emotions pounding throughout my body that I didn't know what was what anymore.

"I know that, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you- I just wasn't thinking. But I promise I won't ever leave you again. I won't ever hurt you. I'd die for you, Jackie."

I took her waist and pulled her into me, hugging her. She was trembling and I could hear the silent sobs coming from the back of her throat. I cried, too. I cried because I couldn't stand being the reason for her tears. I hated myself for what I did to her.

Jackie pulled away from the hug, running into the next room. She came out a couple minutes later, her face dry but the evidence that she had been crying was still there.

I sat down on the couch with her.

"I just... Don't know what to do anymore." She shook, clutching the now-wrinkled tissue she was holding in her hands.

"One chance. I just need one chance, and I'll never hurt you ever again. I want you to be the one that I wake up next to every morning; and not just because you had a nightmare so you wanted to sleep in the same room as me. I want to be able to open my eyes and see my favorite person in the world and know that she's safe and that that's the way I'll always make sure it stays. I want to be able to wake you up by kissing you softly, and feel that glowing smile before you start to kiss back. I want to go everywhere with you by my side and I want to be able to show you off to the world and tell everyone that you're mine and I'm yours. I want to be able to have a house with you, and kids if you decide you want them. I want to be able to think about how I'm the luckiest guy in the world and I have the most amazing girl to come home to, and know that there is no way anyone could be better for me. I want all these things, Jackie, but you have to say yes. Because if you don't- then it's not gonna happen. Then I came back and told you how I feel for nothing. Then I'll never be able to hold you when you're upset and promise that everything will be okay, and that I'll kill whoever hurt you. I'll never be able to kiss you softly when you're scared or sleep with you. But all of these things- they're all I want. If I have you, then I'll be happy forever. You're all I need. Fuck everything else. You're everything to me. And I promise I'll do everything I can to make you happy, too." I watched the tears roll down her cheeks throughout my speech, unsure of whether or not they were out of happiness or sadness.

"It's not for nothing; it's never for nothing." She smiled wide, showing off her beautiful lips and teeth. My heart skipped a beat, like it usually did when I was around her. Then she leaned in, and gently kissed me. It was the best kiss I'd ever received. I realized then that it was the kiss I'd been waiting for all of my life, without even noticing it. She tasted so sweet; I couldn't help but kiss her more. She pulled away momentarily. "I love you, too." And right then; it was the best thing she could have possibly said.

I hugged her tightly and felt her hand push into my hair. I liked it. She went back to the kiss, intoxicating me even further by setting her other hand on my shoulder and massaging it. I hated to compare; but she was a much better kisser than Jamia. I pushed my tongue against her lips, hoping it was okay, and figuring out that it was when she opened her mouth to grant me further access. The inside of her mouth was even sweeter; I was stunned. She pulled away to breath heavily, then continued kissing me while I explored the interior or her mouth. She now had both hands entangled in my hair; pulling my face into hers more while we kissed.

Our noses were pushed against each other's faces, and I felt his hot breath on my skin. Frank slid one of his hands from my hip and used it to move the hair from beside my neck, relocating his lips to the crevice between my neck and my shoulder. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped my legs around his back, still suckling my neck.

"Frank..." I kept playing with his hair, leaning my head back to give him better access. I felt him bite and suck some more, causing a moan to escape my lips.

He giggled a little. It was the cutest thing ever. I took his face back up to mine, tugging on his shirt while we kissed. "Can I take this off?" I asked.

He nodded while his lips were still pressed against mine, pulling away just in time for me to take it over his head. I couldn't help but stare. He had smooth skin, and sexy tattoos. His stomach was flat and his chest was perfect, just like everything else about him. Frank kissed my neck a couple times, leading up to my ear before he grinned and touched the hem of my shirt. "Mind if I take this off?" I nodded, too, putting my arms up and letting him graciously pull it over my head. He stared, too, caressing my stomach and the curves of my waist, exploring what he never got to before.

"You're so perfect, Jackie." He whispered.

"You are, Frank." I kissed him again and we both felt each others stomachs, chests, and backs.

"Is it okay...?" He asked.

"Is what okay?"

"Well you know what I want to do..." He said a little shameful.

"Of course I want to." I told him.

"Are you sure? We're still virgins."

"You're a virgin?" This news shook me to my core.

"Well yeah, I was saving it for something I wasn't aware of until now. Jamia and I did stuff, but we didn't actually do _it._"

I smiled, maybe too wide. But hey; I was happy. "I wouldn't want to lose it to anybody else."

"Me either." He said. He had the cutest face, I swear to God. I'd never seen anyone more handsome and adorable. I had no clue why I had him, because I sure as hell didn't deserve him. But for that moment, at that time... I was okay with that.


	9. Chapter 9

"Frank..." She panted; her hands gripping my hair as we moved our hips together. I'd never felt better. Once we got past the part where she was hurting, it all went uphill. I picked up the pace, grabbing her sides and slamming her onto me. She moaned loudly and tightened up while I went down to kiss her collar bone.

"I love you." I whispered into her ear.

She smiled. "I love you, too."

I sped up again, pounding into her body with every thrust. As many times as I'd imagined having sex with her; it never amounted to this.

I hit her spot and she came, with me following. She giggled a little and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around her waist, letting her rest her head on my chest.

Soon enough she was asleep, so I snuck out of bed to throw the condom away and shower. I'd just finished washing my hair when the shower door slid open, letting the steam out and leaving a perfectly naked girl in its place.

"Ready for a round two?" She bit her lip, pressing herself against me with one hand on the back of my neck, the other in my hair.

* * *

>I grinned. "Of course."<p><p>

Things were finally going amazing with Frank. We'd been together for about four months now, and things were better than they'd ever been. But only for a little while.


	10. Chapter 10

I woke up and noticed that Frank wasn't next to me like he usually was. I checked the clock, and it was 4:30 A.M. No wonder why I was so cold. I rubbed my arms in an attempt to get rid of the goosebumps while I walked quietly down the hall. The apartment was silent and all I could hear was the wind blowing against the wood panels, causing the house to creak. I stepped slowly down the stairs, peeking around where the wall ended and finding Frank talking to someone at the door. The breeze caused me to shiver. It was mid-winter, and the dark blue sky was glowing off of the snow.

"I do love you, I just need to make her happy." A shirtless Frank whispered so quietly that I thought I might not have heard it.

"Well it's either her or me. You choose. I can't believe you lied and said that you were a virgin. That's so rude. You're just gonna end up breaking her heart even worse than if you would've stayed disappeared." I recognized Jamia's voice.

"But she needs me." He groaned.

"So do I. And what about the twins? You're just gonna let them grow up fatherless? I think not. You have responsibilities, Frank. Big ones. And you better live up to them." With that Jamia turned around and left, her boots crunching in the snow.

I quickly ran back up stairs on my toes, minimizing the noise as much as possible. I laid back in bed just in time for Frank to come back into the room. He wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my cheek. Silent tears fell from my eyes, rolling down my face and onto my pillow. Once I was sure he was asleep, I got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I applied make-up, as if I were getting ready for a normal day. I dressed in shorts, long socks, a long t-shirt, and a hoodie. I wanted to die decent looking.

I opened the medicine cabinet, removing the pain killers that I used to use for headaches. In the drawer under the microwave in my kitchen, I found a box-cutter. I ripped a sheet of paper out of a notebook, and scrawled quickly.

Once I returned to the bathroom with a glass of water, I swallowed as many pills as my throat would let me, followed by a drink, and repeated the process. I didn't want Frank to find me and take me to the hospital still alive, because then I could just become a vegetable. So I rolled my sleeves up, and cut. I opened old scars, fresh wounds covering my skin. I slashed and ripped my skin, the pain becoming worse than the dizziness I was feeling. I looked down at my arm, seeing the deep pools of red. I slid down the cabinets and onto the tile floor. I stared at the blood seeping from the cuts and onto the floor in a puddle of beautiful crimson. I thought about Frank. Even though he was the reason for this, I still spent my last few minutes of life thinking about how much I loved him.

I was ready to die. I always had been.

* * *

><p><p>

Frank woke up and sighed, realizing that he had to get out of bed already. He looked over, noticing Jackie's absence, and wondered subconsciously where she was. He stepped out of bed, pulling a shirt over his head and taking on a jacket, along with some jeans and socks. He walked downstairs, looking in the kitchen to see if she was eating breakfast. She wasn't there. He looked in the guest bedroom to see if she was in there. She wasn't. He knocked on the bathroom door.

"Jackie?" There was no answer. He knocked again. "Jackie?" Once again, there wasn't a sound to be heard. He turned the knob, finding out that it was unlocked. He slid open the door, and his heart immediately stopped at what he saw. She was there, a bottle of pills, a razor, and a pool of blood on the ground next to her. He fell down next to her, grabbing her bloody wrist and squeezing it in hopes to stop it from bleeding out. Her skin was pale white and cold. Her lips were tinged purple, and she was limp. It was different from the last time. This time; he knew she was gone. He knew that he wouldn't ever get her back. And he hated himself for it.

He picked up a piece of paper laying on the floor next to the blood.

"I'll always love you. I wish the best to you and Jamia."

So she knew. He turned it around.

"I'm the only friend who makes you cry."

He cried and cried, still clutching her body and holding her cold head against his neck while the irony of what she wrote hit him. He didn't understand how he was supposed to leave her. To get up, and to call an ambulance. He couldn't believe she was gone. While he was sleeping. He could have woken up earlier, he should've seen her. He could have said something to her that would've changed her mind.

After a couple hours of sobbing and holding her, he ran to the phone and dialed 911.

"911 What's your emergency?"

"My girlfriend- she's dead." H couldn't believe she was really dead. Saying the words just made it even more real.

"We'll send someone over right away."

The phone line went silent.

"Jackie, I'm so sorry. I love you. I can't believe myself. I don't know what I was thinking. This is all my fault." He said. "I wish I could have found you earlier. I wish I could have saved you. Why would you do this?"

He felt her hand grasp his one more time, and saw her lips part to mouth the words "I love you". He later swore he'd imagined it.


End file.
